Archive for October, 2008
Oct
27
Posted by dodo
Gordon Selfridge used to give all his staff a plum pudding and a pep pill at Christmas, presumably because he realised the pressures they would be under.
Commuting, in particular, in the run-up to Christmas is absolute murder, with cars and buses at a standstill, and all the tubes and trains crowded out because everyone’s pouring into the big cities to shop or see the lights. On the way home from a hard day’s work you are liable to find everyone either festively drunk, or helping someone else to be sick. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
27
Posted by dodo
When Mary heard she was to be the mother of Jesus she went and sang the Magna Carta.
Schoolboy Common Entrance essay Christmas approaches. Realising that the children will soon be breaking up, Scarlett O’Aga steps up her panicking. Buckling under Christmas shopping, she staggers past boutiques pounding out sexy pop music, and wishes that she had a salary to blue on party glitter and was at an office party being propositioned. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
22
Posted by dodo
There came wise dogs from the East bearing bones, and being wise they ate them.
Many English people won’t go away at Christmas because they can’t bear to abandon their animals. They hate the thought of putting the dogs in kennels, where they won’t get any turkey left-overs or a paper hat to wear at Christmas dinner, or leaving the cat in a cold house, with a neighbour coming in every day to top up the untouched Whiskas.
Other people have to work hard looking after farm animals. I remember one farmer’s wife telling me that she was going to have a lovely Christmas, because for the first time in thirty years of marriage they didn’t have cows to milk. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
22
Posted by dodo
Never buy a puppy for the children at Christmas. It’s the worst possible time to introduce a small creature into a new home with all the noise and excitement and tension. The children can easily get fed up with a puppy, too, when it starts eating their toys or making puddles, and little children, unless constantly watched, can be very cruel to animals if unused to them. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
22
Posted by dodo
How exciting! the children are breaking-up from school today. Scarlett has already collected little Nicholas and Carol from their primary schools, and is driving down to Berkshire to collect Holly from boarding school. Noël has taken the afternoon off to collect Robin from his boarding school. As usual, the end-of-term carol service takes twice as long as scheduled, and even the sight of pretty mothers in fur coats coming out of chapel doesn’t cheer up Noël, who’s been champing outside in the Volvo for forty minutes. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
18
Posted by dodo
My heart leaps up when I behold a reindeer in the sky.
Now the children have broken up, it’s time for a trip to Santa’s Grotto. In Stroud this year, it only cost Sop for a visit and a present, and you could have your photo taken with Santa as well.
Playing Father Christmas these days is a pretty taxing job. In department stores, Santas must never ask a child how Mummy and Daddy are, because so many parents are divorced, and long explanations hold up the queue. Instead he must ask, ‘How are the folks?’ Nor must he say ‘Yo Ho Ho’ Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
18
Posted by dodo
The fall-out in Christmas decorations is also appalling. Every year, since my children grew beyond the smash-and- grab stage, my husband, who has some sort of death wish for the decorations, has introduced a new kitten, who does the job far more thoroughly. The minute you hang the first silver bauble on the tree marks the opening of the volley-ball season, and by evening everything is being batted all over the floor and smashed to bits. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
18
Posted by dodo
Man is born free but is everywhere in paper chains.
In a pathetic attempt to be more creative last year I got a book on Christmas decorations out of the library. I could have Christmas at my fingertips, the author advised me brightly, by learning how to make a simple evergreen corsage, how to decorate an outdoor tree, how to make my own candles, and, worst of all, how to give a gala air to breakfast on Christmas morning. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
10
Posted by dodo
Hours later at tea-time they reach Granny.
`Here you are at last,’ she cries in fluting reproach, rushing out in her medium-heeled court shoes and wool dress, embracing gingerly as she inhales a waft of dried sick, trying not to wince, as older children tread mud all over the carpet. Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
10
Posted by dodo
Christmas Eve — and the excitement starts to bite. Little Nicholas and Carol, already in a frenzy of excitement, are opening the penultimate door of their Advent calendars. The wireless is playing a jazzed-up version of ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’. For Scarlett, there’s not much rest ahead, but she hopes everyone will be merry.
Granny and Grandpapa arrived yesterday. Having been woken twice in the night, firstly by the departed neighbours’ burglar alarm, and secondly by the lodger coming in tight at three o’clock in the morning, they are downstairs by 8.30 a.m., shivering, their breath rising like incense. Scarlett can’t light a fire because the log man still hasn’t arrived. Read the rest of this entry »
